Velvet Undercover is almost in the books so to speak and I have thrown my energies behind Fall River, my latest adult novel. I’m hoping to have that finished by mid December so my agent and I can revise it and get it out to editors come January. Then I’ll have copy edits on Velvet, as well as gearing up for my latest undertaking–earning that university degree. During winter term, I’ll be studying and trying to test out of some classes. Come spring, I’ll be enrolled in the university’s prior learning experience program, which is like testing out of a class, but instead of testing, I’ll be writing essays to prove that I already have the knowledge I would have gained had I taken the class.

Then there’s my day job, teaching 60 k-5th grade kids for three hours on a variety of topics and themes that I GET TO MAKE UP! So far this year, we have done Brussels, (during which we had an amazing sax player come in because the saxophone was invented by a Belgium dude), Pirates, (we had Heidi Shulz, the author of Hook’s Revenge in for that one) and national parks, (among many others). I really love coming up with new and creative ideas to teach because I get to learn about them myself. It’s so much fun!

Oh, oh, oh! I’m also teaching adult novel writing for Portland Community College’s community ed program and I really, really love it. So much so that I decided that I want to teach adults on a regular basis, which is one of the reasons I am going back to school to get my degree.

And yes, I am still running, cooking and eating too much food.

So I’m busy and while I’m busy being busy, there are things that  sort of slip away without me realizing it…Like spending time with friends for one. I have several friends whom I haven’t had lunch with for ages.  I have other friends who I need to have coffee with. I am trying to juggle all the things, but sometimes it feels like all the things are juggling me! So upfront, blanket apologies for anyone who feels like I’ve put them off, or let them down. I love you all and don’t really mean to.

Maybe I can’t really do ALL THE THINGS. I even have people who scoff at my mantra or even ask me with a certain amount of derision, “So how is ALL THE THINGS going for you?” Especially when I screw something up.

I want to ask them… precisely which of the things should I give up? Running and exercising? I’ve had cancer twice and need to take care of myself. Making good, quality homemade food? Ditto. Teaching adults? Sorry, I love it and it is great for my future career. Teaching kids? I love the people I work with and it helps pay the bills. Novel writing? I might as well stop breathing. Am I crazy to try to get my degree at my age? No.  It’s important for my future and my family and I think I have something left to give. A degree will help me give it.

So I’ll continue to try to juggle all the things… And sometimes balls will get dropped, but I will joyfully pick them back up and be grateful all the way to my toes that I have balls to juggle at all. (Okay, did that sound kind of weird and dirty, or is it just me?) But I do want to apologize for those people who feel like they have been dropped… I love you all!

I’m doing a time tracking exercise for my college course.

What I’ve discovered: Time management isn’t an issue because I aint got no time to manage. Take away my hour of collapse time with wine and a book or TV at the end of the day and I’m going to get really, really grumpy. I tracked my social media time and it totals about 30 minutes in little spurts throughout the day. Usually when I’m eating or during work breaks.

I tracked my time for three days and it looks a little like this:

5:00-6:00 Am: Wake up, get coffee, check emails, make daily to do list, get more coffee, check social media.

6:00-7:30: Household chores– unload dishes, do dishes,  make bed, fold any clothes, general straightening, have breakfast or snack if running. Check to see if there are any last minute preparations to make for school.

7:30-8:45: Run or work out

8:45-9:30: smoothie, coffee, respond to emails, set up work for the day.

9:30-1:00 Work, write, prep dinner, homework, meditate, household chores like dusting or vacuuming, etc.

1:00-2:15 Shower, get ready for work,  last minute things, grab food.

2:15-6:30: Go to work, work, come home from work

6:30-8:00: Finish making dinner, eat, clean up after dinner. Spend time with hubby, drink wine.

8:00-10:00: Last minute items for the next day, respond to email, read watch TV.

10:00 PM: Go to bed, listen to classical music on phone, play bejeweled until I’m tired.

Shampoo, rinse, repeat.

That’s just a typical day. Sometimes I have a ton of errands to run. Weekends are different, of course, and on Wednesdays, I write with friends at Panera.

The only spot where I can shave off time is that hour or so that it takes me to function and really get with it. So what college has taught me so far? I don’t really have time for college.

Unless someone has a way to make a 26 hour day. That would be cool…

Keepsake: Something that serves to keep alive the memory of a person or event

I have a hope chest full of keepsakes of both my own childhood and my children’s. My father made me the chest when I was a teen and it is one of my most treasured belongings, along with the desk he built for me. These are keepsakes. They remind me of the wonderful times I spent with my father.

But recently, I realized that I have a figurative hope chest as well. We’ll just call it Pandora’s Box and in it, I find all sorts of wrongs that have been done against me. I’ve always been pretty good about letting stuff go, but apparently, there are a few things in there that I’m hanging on to. Resentment against my parents, friends and family.

These aren’t keepsakes. They aren’t things I should treasure. Maybe they even hold me back from becoming the person I want to be, or the writer I want to be.

Action: Cleaning out Pandora’s chest, one festering item at a time. Or maybe all at once in a spiritual bonfire.

Image Courtesy of PONG at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Juncture: A particular, and often important, moment in time.

I was having a conversation with a dear friend, who, after many years of serving her family, is making major life changes and trying to figure out what it is that truly fulfills her. My advice ? Be careful what you wish for. Well, not exactly. Actually, I told her to be prepared for anything. That old hackneyed expression of finding yourself, especially for women, and especially for women in their forties, can mean many things. It could mean a complete career change. It could mean working full time and going back to school while juggling aging parents and grandchildren. It could mean moving across town or state or even to another country.

Like most things in life, it rarely means easy.

But it does mean recognizing a crucial  juncture in your life and taking advantage of it, which is why I’m going to go back to school to get a degree in English Lit and New Media. The time came and even though it makes no sense, I recognized the moment. I don’t know how it will end, or if it will really end, (see my post on connections), but at least I recognized the beginning.

Action: Be aware of important junctures in my life and take advantage of them.

Intentional: Full awareness of what you’re doing. Deliberate, purposeful.

The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates

I’ve watched many people who seem to be stuck on the proverbial hamster wheel, making the same mistakes over and over and never seeming to learn from them. I’m convinced that these people do not have the ability or the desire to examine their lives. I am also convinced that the more you examine your life, the more you begin to live intentionally. In my last blog, I wrote that I am beginning to really see my own life in a bigger way–what action leads to what consequence. This kind of awareness comes from looking at the events of your own life with a clear eye, not to blame, but to understand. Once aware of these patterns, it’s easier for me to look at my actions as part of the big picture. Knowing this, I want my actions to be intentional.

I think writing has really helped me see these connections. As I mold a story and develop the plot, I want every action to have a consequence that leads to another action, etc, until I finally arrive at the end of the story.

Isn’t that what life is like?

Action: Think before speaking and doing!

Harvest: (n) The quantity of an animal or vegetable product gathered at the end of it’s season. (vb) to Catch or collect a crop or natural resources for human use.

My tomatoes are coming on. The taste of that first tomato sandwich is like summer distilled for me. Nom. Though fall is the typical time for this type for harvesting, the type of harvest that comes from the old adage, you reap what you sow, can come at any time. I used to hate that saying because it was almost always used negatively,like a substitute for I told you so when some sort of catastrophe struck. But I’ve learned that the natural cause and effect of you reap what you sow can be positive, as well, and it’s a never ending cycle of reaping, sowing, harvesting. It’s like that movie Signs–each act or happening had consequences later. You may not be able to see them, but they are there. Right now, I am harvesting the benefits of running. My lungs are crystal clear, my cardiovascular system is strong, I can do physical work for much longer periods without getting tired. I can look back and finally see what led me to this point.

1. My mother smoke while pregnant with me.
2. I am patterned because I was raised in a house of cigarette smokers.
3. I start playing around and occasionally smoking cigarettes at age 13.
4. At age 14 I am addicted to tobacco.
5. I quit and start again for the next 30 some odd years.
6. At age 47 I am diagnosed with throat cancer.
7. At age 48 I take up running.
8. In the past year I have run two 5ks, one 10k and am training for a marathon. I ran ten miles last week.

Negative can lead to positive

Another example:

1. I learn to read at age 5
2. I write my first story at age 6
3. I fall in love with reading at age 8.
4. In the third grade, I read a biography on Louisa May Alcott and decide I want to be her. Since I can’t be her, I climb up into an apple tree and decide  to be a writer like her.
5. For the next thirty years I write on and off. I am NOT Louisa May Alcott. (But I am living my life and having experiences which later affect my writing.)
6. I start writing nonfiction for money.
7. I get lots of rejections and keep going.
8. Soon I’m in national magazines and am a contributing editor for Disney online.
9. In 2008  my first novel is picked up by Simon and Schuster
10. In 2011, I sell Houdini’s Daughter which becomes Born of Illusion.
11. I’m still not Louisa May Alcott.

Positive leads to negative leads to positive.

This concept of reaping and sowing and harvesting leads to perspective, which is not only helps curb my negative reactive behavior, but is also one of the keys to living a life of peace and gratitude.

Action: Look for the patterns in my life, especially when I am about to embark on a worry trip. Also, make some homemade ketchup.

Genuine: Being exactly as it claims or appears. Authentic.

There are certain events in life that strip away all your defenses and leaves you being authentically and genuinely you. I don’t want to negate the growth that occurred before 2012 because that encompasses most of my life, but 2012 was definitely a banner year for accelerated personal growth.

2012 was the year I was diagnosed with throat cancer and wrote four books on deadline.

Everything was stripped away layer by layer that year and I learned a whole lot about myself. How tough I actually am. How tenacious. How vulnerable. I’ve always thought of myself as a straightforward person. I also thought I knew myself well. Turns out I didn’t know myself as much as I thought I did. Turns out I’m a whole lotta strong.

I have to work every day to remain genuine. To remain true to myself and to who I am. To write from that real place. Only by doing that can I truly be of service to others.

Action: Think before reacting to a situation. Is my reaction reaction from the authentic me or from my ego?

Flexible: Capable of being readily changed. Fluid. Adaptable.

One of the perks of getting older is that you can see the long term consequences of certain attributes or the lack thereof. Flexibility is one of those character traits that people don’t  think about much, but over the years I’ve noticed that people who are flexible are the happiest and most successful.  Life is always throwing us curve balls. People who have the most flexibility dodge, duck, or take the hit straight on and then throw back. The inflexible take valuable life time to run about in circles and bemoan the hit, wondering if life as they know it is over.

It ain’t over till it’s over, people.

Flexibility allows you to absorb the shock and move on. A little wiser, a bit more cautious, perhaps, or maybe even in a direction you hadn’t expected. Once, during a routine physical, my doctor remarked on my flexibility. “You’re nice and bendy,”she said. “That’s really important as you age.”

Indeed.

Action: Practice juking.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles  and freedigitalphotos.net.

Fruition: the state of being actual or complete. Accomplished, achievement, attainment.

I love seeing things come to fruition. Carefully laid plans that come together in a glorious finale. The book or novella my editor and I have worked so hard on. A garden ready to harvest. A cake that rises light and airy.

Sometimes though, the planing and work take so much longer to complete then your average cake. The results that keep you working so hard seem almost unattainable. I’m working on a project now that will take me about three years to complete. Looking down a tunnel so long, it’s hard to believe that it’ll ever come to fruition. When I feel like that I just remind myself of this quote:

“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. Pablo Picasso

Action: Keep on plugging away and remember that life happens while you’re on the journey, not just when you reach the final destination.