I washed my house yesterday.
The entire thing. I climbed up and down ladders with a pressure washer, knelt with scrub brushes and even hacked a tree limb down to do it. I washed my house from 8:30 AM to 6:00 PM. I know I pushed myself, but I kept muttering, “I’m not doing this tomorrow. I’m not doing this tomorrow.” And yes, I am darn near crippled this morning, but it’s done and the white hasn’t been this white since I did it three years ago. It pleases me.
I could have been writing. Should have been writing, if the truth be known. But it was late September and anyone who lives where it can get cold fast knows that the time to finish up outdoor projects is waning. So I made the choice to wash the house. Other than muttering my mantra and cursing as my knees groaned, I kept wondering, do other people do this? Do they care about how white their house is? Or have I crossed the line between striving for excellence and insane perfectionism? Am I one step away from scrubbing the baseboards at dawn with a toothbrush?
This is something that those of us who feel driven for excellence ask ourselves a lot. Where is that line? I wasn’t always this way. It’s been a gradual progression from a GenX party girl with big hair to mopping the floors at 5 am, making sourdough, starting a business, organizing community events and… washing my house. That’s one of the issues with excellence, knowing where that line is. Understanding the difference between what actually makes my Cap sun/Virgo rising heart happy and what I can ascribe to cultural conditioning is complex. That’s only one of the problems of working towards excellence in your life. Here are some others:
- It can cost you friends. Learning behavior change skills, (which is what self-discipline actually is), and taking action toward your own best outcomes can be highly triggering for people who don’t have that skill. I had pushback from people when I quit smoking, lost friends when I quit drinking and even more friends when I became a vegetarian. And honestly, it’s not like I became an evangelist for those things. I just simply did them and noted them. I very occasionally posted about how proud I am of myself because all of those things were FREAKING HARD and occasionally continue to be hard. (Seriously, I can’t smell beef on the grill without salivating.) But people think I am bragging when I mention them, which tells me a lot more about them than me, because as I said, I mention them rarely.
- Which brings me to social media. Is it bragging to do what everyone else does and talk about what I do and post pictures? Dude, I WASHED MY HOUSE! LOOK HOW WHITE! Okay, that’s not as fun as snorkeling in Hawaii or jumping out of an airplane, (I’ve done those too!), but it’s what I do. I wash my house, lift weights, can peaches, run a publishing company, write books and garden. I am being social.
- Which brings me to the next problem with excellence. Why is someone’s competence threatening/triggering and why is it only women’s competence? Hmmm? I follow an amazing guy who is an avid gardener because of his intrinsic values and he talks about how growing your own food is basically a finger to the man. He is posting according to his values and I adore him, but why isn’t what he does labeled virtue signaling or bragging and women doing the same thing is? Double standard much?
Walking that fine line between excellence and perfectionism is challenging. I think part of it is wrapped up in motivation. Am I doing this for external validation or for inner satisfaction? Occasionally, it’s for both and that’s okay. We’re human creatures after all and hardwired to want to please the tribe. But most of the time, I do the things I do to make my own heart happy. A clean and well-organized home brings me joy. I want to make my carbon imprint on this earth a little lighter, so I compost, cook from scratch most of the time, and recycle. I want to positively impact my community, so I try to be involved. I want to be healthy, so I changed my diet and worked out. Those things are intrinsic values. And isn’t that what a vibrant life is supposed to be about? Living your values?
Plus, my house is really clean!
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