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That Dumb Thing Even Smart Women Do–Part One
Yes, I am including myself in the title of smart women. After forty-cough-something years on the planet, I think it’s time that I owned up to the fact that I’m smart. I belong to a generation of women who had (during one woefully misinformed fashion era) shoulder pads and big hair and were told we could do or be anything we want, except don’t tell people that you’re smart or ambitious, or whatever, because that wasn’t nice.
But I can say it now with only a little bit of uneasiness as if waiting for my mom or grandma to shush me at any minute.
I’m smart… except for one thing. (Well, more than one, but body issues are a whole different blog.) But if I’m so smart how come I’m so dumb? And why are so many successful smart women just as dumb as I am?
That one thing? Self-doubt
Is doubt just a part of success? Do men doubt themselves? I don’t know how many times I’ve been having a heart to heart with smart, successful women and have them confess the same thing: I feel like a fraud.
Even if we’ve earned success the hard way, even if we’ve juggled children, managed households, started businesses and companies, ran meetings, became social entrepreneurs, got our degrees or had books published, we still feel like frauds, fakes, charlatans. That niggling of doubt in our stomachs causes us to work harder, promote harder and take on more tasks, because if we didn’t really earn our success, it could all disappear and then where would we be?
My reaction after snagging one of the best agents in the business?
“She must really like my ideas and figures she can just work with the rest of it.”
My reaction after getting an incredible contract from Balzer+Bray for my book, Born of Illusion?
“OMG, what if they find out I’m just a flake and not that talented?”
My reaction after getting a contract for the Summerset Abbey series from one of the smartest, most powerful editors in the business?
“She’s going to be so mad when she discovers I’m a fraud and I can’t really write!”
Sound familiar? This sort of negative chatter doesn’t just affect women writers, but women everywhere. The most successful business women I know often mask their feelings that they don’t deserve and didn’t earn their success.
WTF?
As I was wondering about this, it finally dawned on me—if I didn’t really earn my successes, or my accomplishments, if I weren’t talented, then the following would have to be true:
The highly trained professionals who read my work, paid for my books and gambled their company’s money and precious time, did so to be NICE. To make me feel good about myself.
Uh huh, and I’ve got a piece of swampland to sell you…
They did those things because they don’t think they’re gambling–they recognize and value my talent. So why don’t I?
This kind of thinking is why criticism is so much more valid in our mind than praise. We want the praise, need the praise and then don’t really believe it when we get it. But any kind of implied criticism… that stuff is GOSPEL.
And another damn thing, how come it’s like taboo to admit to self-doubt? Don’t let anyone know that you are any less than confident, or that your life is any less than wonderful or… or what? Will it start a feeding frenzy? Do people think less of you because you are sometimes beset with doubt? Is this why women hide it and only confess after a couple glass of wine?
But that’s for part two… so what about you? Is this a female thing or do men struggle with this too? Why do we do it? Is it culture? Part of our DNA?
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Why are so many smart, successful women just as dumb as I am?(Click to Tweet)
Why do the most successful women feel as if they don’t deserve their success? (Click to tweet)
Why is criticism gospel and praise suspect? (Click to Tweet)
A Tantalizing Tidbit of A Bloom in Winter
Too busy to breathe, but I do want to give my readers something, so here is a small tidbit of Summerset Abbey: A Bloom in Winter. (On sale now!) This is the beginning of the book and shows a scene writer’s know all too well… that feeling when we get our first acceptance. Enjoy!
Victoria paced the length of Summerset Abbey’s great hall, impatience rippling through her body. In London the mail had come at the same time every day, like clockwork. But at the sprawling country estate that she now called home, the mail’s arrival remained frustratingly unpredictable and entirely dependent on her uncle’s will. When he was away from Summerset Abbey, it was even more haphazard, unless her ladyship needed something posted or was expecting an important invitation.
When she reached the end of the hall, Victoria doubled back, marching furiously forward, ignoring the light from the circular skylight that danced and sparkled off the marble columns lining the room that usually would have distracted her. Even the breathtaking frescos depicting angels floating above battle scenes that covered the domed ceiling, which normally captured her gaze when she entered this hallway, remained hazy on the fringes of her tunnel vision. And all because of an inept mail delivery system that harkened back to the bloody dark ages. She’d be waiting outside on the drive if she weren’t afraid of the suspicion that would raise, especially after learning that Aunt Charlotte, or Lady Summerset Ambrosia Huxley Buxton, noticed everything that happened at Summerset.
Well, almost everything. Victoria smiled. Her aunt didn’t know how often she snuck away to her secret room in the unused portion of the manor to practice her typing and shorthand, study botany or craft her own articles on plants and plant lore. She didn’t know that her own daughter, Elaine, could mix up a mean gin sling, or that Victoria’s older sister Rowena had gone flying in a plane and had kissed a pilot. So maybe her forbidding Aunt Charlotte wasn’t so infallible after all.
But Aunt Charlotte had known how to get rid of Prudence. Victoria frowned, a familiar ache twisting in her stomach.
She heard a car in the front drive and she flew to the servants’ door behind the stairwell, not caring if the servants resented her intrusion on their domain. The mail would be taken to Mr. Cairns, who would sort it out in his office, and then presented to Aunt Charlotte, to Uncle Conrad or to whomever it was addressed. Victoria, however, couldn’t stand by and wait for her letter to eventually find its way into her hands. She’d counted the days carefully and knew in her bones she would receive an answer today.
The servants bobbed their heads as she rushed past them. No doubt Aunt Charlotte had already heard of her sudden obsession with the mail. If asked, Victoria would just tell her she was awaiting a letter from a friend and then whine about being bored out here in the country. Aunt Charlotte deplored whining.
She stuck her head around the doorjamb of Cairns’ office. “Did I get anything, Cairns?”
The man jumped and Victoria hid a grin. Very little ever surprised this supremely self-contained man, but Victoria had long ago made it her mission to try. She’d spent almost every summer vacation since she was a small child trying to ruffle Cairns, who had no outstanding features except his unflappable composure. She knew he could barely stand her and the girls used to find it funny.
Now, of course, it would be better if Cairns were on her side, but old habits were hard to break.
His mouth tightened. “I’m just going through it now, Miss Victoria.”
She waited, almost screaming with impatience as he deliberately took his time going through the post and sorting it into different piles. She knew he had found her letter by the quivering of his nostrils. He held it out and she snatched it from his hands as if he were about to change his mind.
“Thank you, Cairns!” She whisked out of the servants’ quarters and up to her room, praying she wouldn’t run into her cousin wanting to break up the boredom by sneaking down to play billiards and smoke cigarettes, or Rowena, wanting to go riding or walking or whatever she could to chase away the guilt she felt over Prudence. Victoria felt bad for both her sister and her cousin, but right now, she had more important things to do.
Once in her room, she put the letter on her white and gold empire dressing table and stared at it, half afraid to open it. She’d been waiting for it for so long—now that it was actually here, she was terrified it wouldn’t contain the news she wanted. Finally she picked it up, crossed the soft Axminster rug, and settled down upon one of the two blue and white striped chaise lounges that sat before a small white fireplace.
Inspired by Nanny Iris, a remarkable herbalist and Victoria’s friend and mentor, she’d written an article on the health benefits of Althea Officinalis, or mallow, and the history of its uses among the healing women who worked with the poor. She had sent it to one of her favorite botany magazines and to her surprise, the editor had written back, telling her he enjoyed the article, and gave her some advice on how to improve the writing. He had asked her to resubmit after she’d revised it. She’d rewritten it ten times, typing it carefully on the brand-new typewriter she had hidden in her secret room. Then she’d sent it back, praying it would be good enough to publish.
Her stomach churned. And here was her answer. Unable to take it any longer, she went to her desk and riffled through the drawers until she found her letter opener. Something fluttered to the ground when she opened it and she stared at the slip of paper, unbelieving. It was a check.
And The Winner Of The Tea Set Is!
Thanks everyone for participating in the Bloom Book Blast! Launch week was a blast and thank you so much for all the kind words on the Summerset Abbey series! The winner of that gorgeous tea set is:
Maria D! I have already sent her an email.
Thanks again! Will post another blog as soon as I get a moment to breathe!
Bloom Book Blast!
I had to title my post that because what a wonderful alliteration is that?
What is a book blast? The good people at Goddess Fish have put together a book blast in honor of Summerset Abbey:A Bloom in Winter release day! Leave a comment at one of the blogs and you are entered to win a beautiful and whimsical handcrafted tea set. Leave a comment at each blog and you are entered 36 times! Check out the set!
This is a 4 piece Whimsical Butterfly Tea set, handcrafted by artist April Cook. Made with white stoneware slip and painted in a unique, whimsical butterfly design in lime green and plum glaze. It is both dishwasher and microwave safe. The set includes a 32 oz. tea pot with lid, creamer and sugar bowl. (Sadly, only US commenters are eligible to win it) You can see more of April’s work here. You know you want to win it!
So what are you waiting for? Go visit blogs and join the party!
Romantic Historical Lovers Too
March, Tea and A Bloom in Winter
Greetings my totally righteous readers!
So I was all set to do a blog on branding and and ask a few questions from those who have read Summerset Abbey. But then things got complicated. Yes, insanity just reached a whole new level in my life.
Many of you know how I had four books due in less than a year and then I got cancer and had to go through treatments…No? Well, you can read a nice version of it here. (I say “nice” version because I have a much grittier version of the events coming out next week.)
Anyhoo, on March 28th I turned in the last book, did a happy dance and had expected to be able to breathe, but after successfully juggling and planning for the last 10 months, I ended up having a March to end all Marches. Here’s the breakdown:
- Writer’s Digest article due
- Revisions for two books due
- Three book signings (You can see where I’ll be here)
- Travel to San Francisco
- Book Launch of Summerset Abbey: A Bloom in Winter
And I have learned something really important about myself during the past year… I THRIVE on this stuff! Instead of feeling overwhelmed by all this, I got a shot of adrenaline. HOW SICK IS THAT? Now, granted, I will probably do a lot of whining, but now YOU know the TRUTH.
I am BAT SHIT CRAZY.
Okay, book launch.
Tomorrow, I’ll be participating in a Goddess Fish Book Blast in honor of the launch of my gorgeous book, A Bloom in Winter. In the morning, I’ll post all participating blogs to visit and one lucky poster will win this!
This is a 4 piece Whimsical Butterfly Tea set, handcrafted by artist April Cook. Made with white stoneware slip and painted with a unique, whimsical butterfly design in lime green and plum glaze. It is both dishwasher and microwave safe. The set includes a 32 oz. tea pot with lid, creamer and sugar bowl. (Sadly, only US commenters eligible to win it) You can see more of April’s work here.
Tea and Summerset Abbey books? How perfect is that? Good luck!
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March, Tea, and tomorrow’s Summerset Abbey: A Bloom in Winter’s launch party! Check out @teribrownwrites blog at www.tjbrownbooks.com! (Click to Tweet!)
Calling All Book Clubs!
I attended my first book club meeting the other night as an author and not a participant. The experience was fantastic! I loved discussing Downton Abbey with others–hearing their enthusiasm and answering their questions. It was an experience I would love to repeat!
Unfortunately, as wonderful as it sounds, I can’t fly all over the country attending book clubs, so I came up with an alternative plan…
Free Skype visits with your book club!
The first five book clubs with five or more members who read Summerset Abbey and schedule a Skype visit with me will receive a prize basket from me containing:
- A package of specialty scone mix
- Earl Grey tea for each member
- A Devonshire cream recipe card, (Yummy on scones!)
- A small jar of specialty jam
- Various promotional items
Everything you need to have an old-fashioned, Edwardian book club meeting! Please email me for details at Teri(at)teribrownbooks(dot)com
Tweetables!
Calling All Book Clubs! Get a free Skype visit and prizes from @teribrownwrites author of Summerset Abbey! (click to tweet)
How your book club can win a Skype visit and prizes from @teribrownwrites! #summersetabbey (click to tweet)
Ten Reasons Why Downton Abbey Fans Should Read Summerset Abbey
By now most of us have watched the final episode of Downton Abbey and though the third season left most of us brokenhearted, we also know we’ll be tuning in next year. If you find time on your hands on Sunday night, and long for some good old fashioned Edwardian juiciness, I advise you to pick up Summerset Abbey, penned by moi. Why? I thought you would never ask. Let me count the ways.
- Summerset Abbey has the same juicy soapiness set in the same time period.
- Rose isn’t in Summerset Abbey. Not once.
- The description of the clothing is fantastic, if I do say so myself.
- There are three books in the series that will take you all the way to the next season of Downton Abbey. (Summerset Abbey, (available now), Summerset Abbey: A Bloom in Winter, (3/5), and Summerset Abbey: Spring Awakening, (8/15)
- There is no Dowager Countess like character because from now until the end of time there is no Dowager Countess except for Maggie Smith.
- Summerset Abbey is a pretty darn good book and is getting some amazing reviews.
- Summerset Abbey is a delicious concoction of adult, New Adult and historical detail all wrapped up in one book. The rest of the books are the same.
AND MOST IMPORTANT:
8.NO ONE DIES DURING SEX
9. OR IN CHILDBIRTH
10. OR IN A CAR WRECK.
Reason why #DowntonPBS fans should read Summerset Abbey by @teribrownwrites, NO ONE DIES IN A CAR ACCIDENT. www.tjbrownbooks.com (tweet this)
Reason why #Downtonabbey fans should read Summerset Abbey by @teribrownwrites, Rose isn’t in it. Not once! www.tjbrownbooks.com (tweet this)
Time Management 283
Why 283? Because I have a feeling I have tried 283 times to become more efficient. At least. Even before the electronic revolution, I would attempt to manage my time with my annual new year’s trip to the office supply store, which for me is almost a Julia Child like pilgrimage to Kitchen Kaboodle. HEAVEN. I would go into an orgy of delighted touching, feeling and smelling (yes, smelling) of planners. I couldn’t afford the really nice ones, but I would judge them as if I could. Then I would make my selection and take my new planner home, full of purpose and resolve. This year would be the year that I’d be on top of all the things! And that would last until mid January–February at the very longest. Then I would put my planner aside and go back to the happy pastime of procrastination.
I can’t do that anymore.
As an author I have lots and lots of deadlines. I have been given a chance to make a living and follow my dreams but in order to do so, I have to get serious about this time management stuff, because it doesn’t happen on its own. My books won’t miraculously finish themselves, the promoting and marketing doesn’t happen in a vacuum and I have yet to see the house clean itself, despite how many times I leave money out for the elves.
So I have become the keeper of lists. Master list, to track all the things. Weekly list, which is a rather optimistic account of what I can pack into a week and the daily list that tracks what I need to get done in a day to keep me from stepping off the proverbial time management cliff. But in spite of all my lists, I still felt as if I were a hamster on a wheel—running in circles without accomplishing much of anything. Oh, I was making my deadlines, but I still didn’t feel as if I were in charge. So I decided to change all that with some goal-oriented personal study. Shannon McKeldon, an amazing author and friend started a program of self study where she actually gave herself homework. This I could do. I started with a highly recommended book called Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy and Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World by Michael Hyatt. Both books teach skills I desperately need to develop: managing my time and building my author’s platform.
Mark Twain once said that if the first thing you do each morning is eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that is probably the worst thing is going to happen to you all day long. Brian Tracy writes that your “frog” is your biggest , most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on and is usually the one that will have the greatest positive impact on your day and life. So I look at my list and start with the toughest one, which in my case is usually a word count goal or a revision page goal. If I can get that one out of the way, the weight off my shoulders allows me to whiz right through the rest of the list. It has made a huge difference in my daily productivity.
From Platform by Michael Hyatt, I’m learning how to create and market a WOW product and what that means. In my case, my wow products need to be my books and the workshops and seminars I’m developing.
I have also learned that I really need to keep developing my skill set. This year, I plan on attending Toastmasters, attending at least one writing intensive and reading daily on the craft of writing. Does anyone have any great writing book recommendations? I am working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and have most of Natalie Goldberg’s books. What else should I add to my library?
Life after Downton Abbey
As promised here is a post of what you can do to fill the Downton void!
Read Summerset Abbey and Summerset Abbey: A Bloom in Winter. They’re great books in the same era. (You didn’t think I would start out a blog on Downton alternatives without mentioning my own books did you?) And the covers are lovely. They’re in the sidebar on the right. Go look at them, I’ll wait. Gorgeous, right?
Okay, that’s done. Time for me to talk about some other Downton-esque books and movies you might enjoy.
The Typewriter Girl by Alison Atlee
When Betsey disembarks from the London train in the seaside resort of Idensea, all she owns is a small valise and a canary in a cage. After attempting to forge a letter of reference she knew would be denied her, Betsey has been fired from the typing pool of her previous employer. Her vigorous protest left one man wounded, another jilted, and her character permanently besmirched. Now, without money or a reference for her promised job, the future looks even bleaker than the debacle behind her. But her life is about to change . . . because a young Welshman on the railroad quay, waiting for another woman, is the one man willing to believe in her.
Mr. Jones is inept in matters of love, but a genius at things mechanical. In Idensea, he has constructed a glittering pier that astounds the wealthy tourists. And in Betsey, he recognizes the ideal tour manager for the Idensea Pier & Pleasure Building Company. After a lifetime of guarding her secrets and breaking the rules, Betsey becomes a force to be reckoned with. Now she faces a challenge of another sort: not only to outrun her sins, but also to surrender to the reckless tides of love…
A Room With a View by EM Forster
Both the book and the movie are luscious visual feasts.
The Far Pavilions by MM Kaye. Though this book isn’t an Edwardian, it is a gorgeous historical that will appeal to anyone who loves epic, sweeping, historical tales.
Researching the Downton Abbey Lifestyle
I never thought I would write historical. Not that I don’t love historical fiction, I do. As a child, books like Little Women, The Maud Reed Tale and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, had a huge impact on my desire to become a writer. So perhaps it is only natural that after the publication of my contemporary YA, (Read My Lips, 2008), most of the ideas that came to me were historical.
But the research scared me. During my school years, I didn’t do that well in history…mostly because while I loved reading the text books, history was all about the stories to me, not the facts or the dates. I enjoyed comparing the similarities and differences in the lives of people who lived in other time periods, not debating the importance of individual events. And, okay, I’ll admit it— I wasn’t that great at the teacher’s nit-picky insistence that I hand my work in on time. (Thankfully, I’ve become a lot better about that whole deadline thing.)
When I think of research, I think of serious people sitting in quiet libraries with giant books on the desks in front of them. I think of dedicated authors going to obscure places to gain access to hallowed historical archives.
I’m so not that person. I like loud football parties, rock concerts and playing Apples to Apples with my friends.
Luckily for me, the Internet has changed research and most of what I needed was at my fingertips. The problem wasn’t finding good, solid information—it was retaining, tracking and disseminating the information I found in a way that enhanced the story.
One website I kept running into during my research for Summerset Abbey, was The Edwardian Promenade, (www.edwardianpromenade.com). Whoever was behind the website was a genius at all things Edwardian. I dug deeper and found Evangeline Holland, a fellow writer who about to give a four week course on the Edwardian era. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect because I was just preparing to write Summerset Abbey. The class was fantastic and she handed out tons of resources, both primary (having been written during the time period) and secondary, (having been written after the time period, about the time period). Her input was so invaluable; I ended up hiring her as a fact checker. I adore her. (Disclaimer: Any facts wrong in the manuscript are my fault, no doubt committed during the revising process, and not hers!)
As far as keeping track of all the details? I used a combination of Scrivener, (a writing program for writers) to track online research, a carefully annotated notebook for research taken from books, and of course, the ever popular sticky note method. Guess which method best suited my scattered haphazard brain? Sticky notes cover my monitor!
The upshot of my research advice? Do what works for you and have fun doing it. If it isn’t fun—if you can’t lose hours of your life in the research—then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it. I can’t organize worth a damn, but the research itself is pure heaven!
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That would be pretty cool.
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