We have a lot more choices in our lives than we used to. Even now, as I sit down to write this blog, the choices almost paralyze me… do I want to write about the incredible choices writers have? How about the choices women have? Or the incredible array of choices that we have now in our middle age that we didn’t used to have? Did I want to talk about choices in general or did I want to get into the choices I’m facing right now in my life.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m always at a cross roads with a dozen or so paths leading in different directions. For instance, last winter, I was thinking seriously about starting my own business as a writing coach. I also wanted to be a motivational speaker. Then I received a call from my old boss asking if I wanted to return to my job as an afterschool teacher and then I decided to do it again next year. I love teaching and it seemed like the right time to reenter the workforce after almost two years of full time writing and fighting cancer. So, no writing coach business. I also received an email last fall about teaching writing for the Portland Community College Community Education program and I decided to do that, as well.
And you know, I’m a writer.
Choosing which books to develop and write is tough. I spent a good portion of last fall writing a book that I now know was the wrong choice for me. Second guessing your choices is one of the pitfalls of having them. Right now, I have an adult I’m really excited about, a young adult I would like to write and a novella, I can’t get out of my head. With limited time, I’m not sure which direction to go.
And then there’s my own education. I got this idea stuck in my head and I’m not sure what to do with it. Could I actually return to school and get a degree? What would the return be on my investment? Would it be fair to my husband who has worked so hard for his family to rack up that much debt a decade before he’d like to retire? What would the goal be? I certainly don’t want to spend that much money for personal satisfaction or because I need another big challenge. If I obtained a degree in English Lit and New Media would Amazon or some other big company even consider hiring someone over 50? (Which is how old I would be when I finished school). Even including all my smarts, experience and know how?
And then there’s the fact that I am and always have been an autodidact– a self-learner. I’ve spent my life educating myself. If I wanted to do something, I taught myself how. From gardening, to writing magazine articles, to publishing, to novel writing, to canning, to cooking, to teaching… if I wanted to learn about it, I did it myself. Would going to school be a step back for me? Isn’t there a part of me that always wants to be the rebel? If I want to get a degree, can’t I just put together my own course of study and do it on my own? Wouldn’t that be more in line with who I truly am?
So, yeah. Choices. I feel so very privileged to live in a time and a place where I have so many… but sometimes I’d just like to have a crystal ball to see the path every choice would lead me down. But then again, maybe that’s a part of the adventure.
*image courtesy of jannoon028, freedigitalphotos.net