My life feels like a surreal smoothie right now—no matter how many strawberries, blueberries and bananas I throw in, the world keeps adding excrement, slug slime and maggots in equal measure.

Which is an arduous way of saying that I’m having difficulty regulating conflicting emotions.

The world… well, it’s kind of a shit show. I go between knowing it will get better and despair that this is the life we are handing to our children and grandchildren. People are dying in unholy numbers. Our health care systems are buckling. Our doctors and nurses and others are being asked to put their lives in danger on a daily basis. The world is locked in a battle of life and death. We aren’t supposed to leave our homes…

And yet.

I have a book coming out in May that I’m incredibly excited to share.

I’m spending quality time with my 84-year-old mother.

I’m working on a novel that excites me.

The number of exhilarating possibilities and opportunities on the horizon for me and my family is mind boggling.

Push pulse on the blender and there you have it.

To ground myself, I do yard work, go for long walks, write and remodel. I also watch the sun come up, listen to the birds sing and gaze at the night sky.

But I still feel like a smoothie.