I’m not a pagan, nor do I play one on TV, but I find myself drawn to their holidays. Why? Because celebrating the changing seasons in whatever fashion makes much more sense to me than celebrating holidays fabricated to keep the pagans/wiccans from observing festivals like the Autumn Equinox. Celebrating the final harvest and the changing of the seasons feels so organic to me and, in my quest to find celebration without deity, I am making merry on the first day of fall.
Last night’s bonfire was the beginning. I had a friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time over and I listened as she and my husband strummed their guitars by the light of the fire in the crisp cool air.
This morning, I sat and journaled about what I’m harvesting in my own life. As always when I journal thoughtfully, I discovered a few things…
During the Autumn Equinox, there is as much daylight as there is sunlight and it represents a certain balance in the universe, so I thought I would look at the seeds I’d planted in my life—one that came to rich fruition and one that failed and offered up no fruit.
Last spring, I signed up for a half marathon. I had five months to train for it. At that time, I could run/limp through a 5k. Now I’m not sure I can even do that. Obviously, I won’t be harvesting that fruit. My job now is to figure out why. My inner critic of course, says it’s because I am lazy, a failure, a loser. I know better, though, so I bitch-slapped my inner critic and dug deeper. Did I commit to too much over the summer? Was my goal reasonable given the circumstances? I wondered if I simply didn’t prioritize my health and decided that wasn’t it. I’ve lost almost ten pounds and eat more veggies than I ever have. I am very mindful now about what goes into my mouth. After pondering on the lack of harvest, I realized that the failure to achieve that goal was a combination of many things, not excluding my habit of aiming unrealistically high in many aspects of my life. I simply don’t have the time in my life to dedicate to running, therefore that crop failed. I need to learn to plant achievable seeds. There is a balance between aiming high and being realistic.
The harvest currently bearing fruit has been something I planted several years ago when I added these lines to my morning affirmations:
- I am completely committed to working for my family’s success,
and
- I will obtain a BA which will help me achieve my goals.
Though those affirmation seeds led to hearty plants that are now coming to fruition, it didn’t happen in quite the way I thought it would. I only have my AA but I do have two amazing jobs that are working to fulfill affirmation number one. Both jobs, (one as a transition specialist for a local high school working with disabled youth and as a teacher for an after-school program), not only allow me to help my family succeed financially, they fulfill the need of another goal I have of making a positive impact in my community. That field is garnering a rich and vibrant harvest, though in totally unexpected ways.
It’s only by taking the time to explore the successes and failures of my crops that I am able to figure out how to sow seeds that yield better harvests. Autumn Equinox or Mabon or whatever you want to call it is a wonderful time to reflect on the past growing season and preserve the harvest for the coming darkness.
Happy Fall everyone!
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