BLOG

We have a lot more choices in our lives than we used to. Even now, as I sit down to write this blog, the choices almost paralyze me… do I want to write about the incredible choices writers have? How about the choices women have? Or the incredible array of choices that we have now in our middle age that we didn’t used to have? Did I want to talk about choices in general or did I want to get into the choices I’m facing right now in my life.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m always at a cross roads with a dozen or so paths leading in different directions. For instance, last winter, I was thinking seriously about starting my own business as a writing coach. I also wanted to be a motivational speaker. Then I received a call from my old boss asking if I wanted to return to my job as an afterschool teacher and then I decided to do it again next year. I love teaching and it seemed like the right time to reenter the workforce after almost two years of full time writing and fighting cancer. So, no writing coach business. I also received an email last fall about teaching writing for the Portland Community College Community Education program and I decided to do that, as well.

And you know, I’m a writer.

Choosing which books to develop and write is tough. I spent a good portion of last fall writing a book that I now know was the wrong choice for me. Second guessing your choices is one of the pitfalls of having them. Right now, I have an adult I’m really excited about, a young adult I would like to write and a novella, I can’t get out of my head. With limited time, I’m not sure which direction to go.

And then there’s my own education. I got this idea stuck in my head and I’m not sure what to do with it. Could I actually return to school and get a degree? What would the return be on my investment? Would it be fair to my husband who has worked so hard for his family to rack up that much debt a decade before he’d like to retire? What would the goal be? I certainly don’t want to spend that much money for personal satisfaction or because I need another big challenge. If I obtained a degree in English Lit and New Media would Amazon or some other big company even consider hiring someone over 50? (Which is how old I would be when I finished school). Even including all my smarts, experience and know how?

And then there’s the fact that I am and always have been an autodidact– a self-learner. I’ve spent my life educating myself. If I wanted to do something, I taught myself how. From gardening, to writing magazine articles, to publishing, to novel writing, to canning, to cooking, to teaching… if I wanted to learn about it, I did it myself. Would going to school be a step back for me? Isn’t there a part of me that always wants to be the rebel? If I want to get a degree, can’t I just put together my own course of study and do it on my own? Wouldn’t that be more in line with who I truly am?

So, yeah. Choices. I feel so very privileged to live in a time and a place where I have so many… but sometimes I’d just like to have a crystal ball to see the path every choice would lead me down. But then again, maybe that’s a part of the adventure.

*image courtesy of jannoon028, freedigitalphotos.net

As many of you know, I have turned into a bit of a workaholic in my old age. Actually, that isn’t quite how to describe it…I want to do all the things. That’s much closer to what’s happened to me. And when I say all the things, I mean it.

ALL. THE. THINGS.

I want a garden like Monet’s and a house like Martha’s. I want to cook like David Lebovitz and write like Fitzgerald. I want to teach like Maya and run like Pre. I want to taste, touch, do and be all the time. Life is short and I want to live every moment passionately, completely and fully.

I think this compulsion to do it all has always been inside me, but the bout with cancer really brought it out. I want to cherish life, my loved ones and make a difference. Staying positive in the middle of a world that is falling apart is difficult. But positivity is a choice, a mindset. It isn’t a naïve, Pollyanna thing— it’s the knowledge that deep inside, I can make a difference. I can impact people positively. I can impact the world positively.

But doing all the things can be exhausting.

Sometimes you just need to revive yourself, fill the well, so to speak. Last night, my hubby and I went to a local pub where a classical music quartet was performing. The crowd was mixed— from old people who had heard about the performance on the local classical station, to hipsters who had shown up not knowing the treat they were in for. There were young families who had brought their children to listen to live music and there were several couples like my husband and I, who were raised on rock and had grown to appreciate music in different forms. It was incredible to listen to songs that had been transporting people for hundreds of years. I left the pub feeling refreshed and ready for another week.

Play is so important when you are doing all the things.

So is meditation, diet, exercise and hanging out with like-minded people. You have to feed yourself in order to keep going.  So I wanted to leave you with a few places where I get fed…

Meditation: Headspace. No nonsense, practical, guided meditation with no religious leanings. It’s basically self-relaxation techniques. I love my Headspace.

Mind food: Wild Sister Magazine. Editor in Chief and publisher, Jen, is an amazing woman with a serious mission to change the world, one wild sister at a time. The magazine is gorgeously designed and full of women who want to change themselves and the planet. Oh, and I have an article in there this month.

Music: All Classical Portland is one of the top classical stations in the country and I’m lucky enough to have it right here in my pretty city. When I’m at the gym, I listen to rock, but when I run, it’s all classical, all the time. You can stream it live or get the app for your phone. They are having a fund-raiser right now, but usually it’s just music. And it’s not canned. There are real live knowledgeable DJ’s  on at 3am. Wow.   

Okay, I’m out.  I’ve got to go do all the things!

Has it really been that long since I posted?

During that time, I have traveled to New Orleans, ran a 10k and attended a YA book festival in The Dalles.  I have also finished a book, started teaching at Portland Community College, signed up for a half marathon and worked on several top sekrit projects.

I’m exhausted.

But school lets out on the 13th (I teach at an after-school program in my spare time), and after a quick trip to Missoula, Montana and Spokane, I’ll be at home, writing full time… well, other than the teen workshops I’ll be giving at PCC. You all should totally check out my news page.

Oh, and Born of Corruption just came out and Born of Deception will be out on 6/10. You can see them on my books page...

But for now, I must fly again–revisions on Velvet Undercover are due soon….

To celebrate the fabulous review Kirkus gave Born of Deception, (which you can read here!) I will be giving away five ARCs of Born of Deception!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Born of Deception

by Teri Brown

Giveaway ends May 01, 2014.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

 I am a huge Wild Sister fan.  I love both the magazine and the message and when Jen “came out” with her a newly discovered  Aspergers diagnosis, I was fascinated. I knew my readers would be too, so I asked Jen if she would be interested in doing an interview with me. She would, she did, and here it is:) First, a little about Wild Sister Magazine.

Wild Sister is a revolutionary e-mag and global sisterhood of women who rock at life. The aim of Wild Sister is to inspire women to love themselves, follow their bliss and change the world.

Now more about Jen!

Name: Jen Saunders

Position: CEO, founder + editor-in-chief of Wild Sister Magazine, creator of the Wild Sisterhood + co-founder of the Autistic Women’s Collective.

Me: When did you start Wild Sister and why?

Jen: I started Wild Sister in 2011, after discovering many inspiring female bloggers online and wanting to gather them all together to create one awesome collection of voices. I’d always wanted to read a magazine that made me feel good about myself, but I could never find one in the slew of gossip-heavy, photoshopped tabloid mags that fill the newsstands. So I decided to create the kind of magazine I’d always wanted to read.

Me: Have you always been creative or driven to have your own business?

Jen: Definitely, I’ve been creative for as long as I can remember, and I’ve always wanted to work for myself.

Me: Have you always felt “different”?

Jen: Yep, I didn’t know how or why, but I always felt like I didn’t fit in.
 
Me: How did the diagnosis of Aspergers come about?

Jen: I saw a girl on TV talking about her life with Aspergers, and I related to all of it. That started me down the path of researching and reading as much as I could until I was sure I was Aspergian too.  Less than a year later, I was diagnosed.

Me: How did the diagnosis make you feel?

Jen: So many things. First, relief. Other words that come to mind are liberation, validation, clarity, understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Me: Do you think there’s a link between your aspergers and your desire to run your own business? Why or why not?

Jen: I think so. I always had a lot of trouble working a full-time job, all the social aspects of it were incredibly draining and I always knew I did my best work when I was passionate about what I was doing. Starting a business built around something I loved was the best thing I ever did. I turned my special interest into a business, taught myself how to do it all very quickly, and used my creative skills to do it. These are all my Aspergian traits coming into play.

Me: Anything else you want to share?

Jen: For any women out there who are on the Autism spectrum, I invite you join the Autistic Women’s Collective. It will be an online community for Autistic women, by Autistic women, and aims to provide a safe space for us to connect, and promote acceptance and neurodiversity through sisterhood.

So, I’m going to get all esoteric and shiz here on the blog. Hey, it’s my blog, I can say what I want, right?

So let’s get down to it… As some of you know, I was diagnosed with a pituitary gland tumor back in 2001 or so. Treatment included a ten hour surgery and radiation. I’m a big believer in taking away life lessons from our experiences and quite frankly, I think I forgot the lessons the universe was trying to teach me way too soon because I was hit with throat cancer two years ago this spring. This bout included two surgeries and another six weeks of radiation. Because the radiation was in my throat it affected my eating and as you know, eating affects your whole quality of life.

I got it universe. I really got it this time.

Of course the irony that I discovered the cancer at the same time that I’d just received two major publishing contracts wasn’t lost on me either. I don’t know if it was because I was ten years older or if I am just a lot more in tune to these things but the yin and yang of the situation was a real wake up call.

So now I run, lift weights and eat well.

Like writing, self-care isn’t easy. I have a million excuses why I shouldn’t run that three miles/write that 1000 words. I self-sabotage by telling myself that I will never getting any faster/any better. Basically, the doubts that splatter my writing spirit with excrement are there as I reach for health and try to live life to it’s fullest.

I used to think that someday I’d be able to rid myself of the demon of self-doubt, also known in writing circles as the evil editor, but now I know better. But I can make the demons weaker. How?

• Positive self-talk. Remember the little engine who could. I can. I will.
• Follow with action. All the positivity in the world won’t help me achieve my goals unless I take ACTION.
• Making small goals and achieving them helps me a lot. First one mile. Then two. Submit an article. Then two. Make friends in the industry. Attend a conference. Finish a book. Join a gym.
• Then up the ante with bigger goals. Run a 5k. Then a 10k. Get an agent. Publish a novella. Meet my deadlines.
• Nourish my soul. Live in the moment. Stop in the middle of the run to take a picture. Look up at the trees as the sun shines through the leaves. Reread paragraphs that sing. Think about how wonderful that food tastes. Meditate.
• I enjoy each emotion because they mean I’m alive, that I feel, but I don’t let the emotions possess me.

And every morning I tell myself that I only have one life and I need to embrace it. Every damn moment of it.  So the heck with self-doubt. Life is too short and far, far too precious. 

I loved my sister, Donna. I love her still. The last 24 hours have been surreal and make no sense to me at all. When something like this happens, I always want to make a timeline– as if by categorization, I can make sense of the senseless.

My mom called yesterday afternoon and told me that my older sister had collapsed and was taken to the hospital. She spent some time without oxygen and may have suffered some brain damage. My mind, not accepting anything REALLY bad, thought, “Oh, like a mild stroke. She is going to be FINE.” I told my mom to keep me posted. Then I went for my longest run ever, came home, and took a shower. I was incredibly proud of myself and jacked up on endorphins. Then my mom called again. My 97-year-old father had called her and  was crying and it DID NOT look good. It was SERIOUS.

Sometimes I can be a real dipshit.

I immediately contacted my nephew and asked him to update me. I hate getting knowledge 2^nd hand. This is what I learned:

1. She complained about having difficulty breathing. Asked if she wanted to go to the hospital, she said no and used her inhaler. She felt somewhat better.
2. Early in the morning she told her husband that she couldn’t breathe and he needed to call 911. She fainted.
3. She was taken to the hospital, but they could not get her to breathe. Her lungs collapsed.
4. Late afternoon, early evening she was declared brain-dead from lack of oxygen. The family removed her from the ventilator and she passed an hour later. I will never be able to thank my nephew enough for waiting for me to arrive before taking her off life support.

That’s the timeline and it doesn’t even come close to how stunned, shocked and heartbroken her family is. It doesn’t fix it.

Right after talking to my nephew, we packed and made mad dash to Puyallup in a wild winter storm. It took us about 2.5 hours. Hours in which to wonder WTF.

Really, What. The. Fuck.

I’m back home, exhausted, shocked and incredibly sad. But I have a deep need to tell you just how warm, wonderful and funny my sister was. We didn’t grow up together. I came to the family when I was two and she was fifteen already. She loved to tell people that she taught me my ABC’s and 123’s. And also to embarrass me, that she changed my diaper.

• She loved hokey old horror movies.
• She had a wicked sense of humor.
• In spite of some odd family dynamics, she never made me feel like anything but her beloved little sister.
• She loved kitties. (Or at least had a lot of them!)
• She had an incredible ability to forgive.
• She loved to collect old things.
• She was very artistic and experimented with many different arts and crafts.
• She was one of the least judgmental people that I have ever met, but she could still see the ridiculousness of human beings.
• She loved her family

Life wasn’t always kind to Donna, but she was almost always kind to life.

RIP my sweet sister. The next book is for you.

Since I’ve finished my series on being a hybrid author, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own career. What do I want it to look like? Where do I want it to go? I love what I do. I love the challenge of writing books, creating characters, and smoothing out plot snarls. I also love helping other people, especially teens. This summer I’m going to be running two writing workshops for teens, as well as rolling out a brand new business, which I will be debuting at a later date… but all this got me to thinking about continuing education for the hybrid author.

I’ve attended some incredible intensives in the past from some wonderful instructors including, Margie Lawson, Bob Mayer,  Debora Dixon and many others. Intensives can be a bit overwhelming… my brain can only take in so much information at once, so while I’ve gained immeasurable knowledge from intensives, I’ve probably forgotten more than I will ever remember!

So I’ve decided to continue my education on my own. Each week, I set aside an hour or so for study. This takes many forms… marking and reading interesting articles on the publishing industry that go by on my Twitter feed, reading books on the writing craft or reading books on indie publishing and the changing publishing landscape. I’d like to get to the point of setting aside three to four hours a week for this. Why is it so important?

• Knowledge is power. Knowing about our industry gives us a wider sense of our place within it.
• Reading the opinions of the movers and shakers within our industry gives us pointers on how to network with others. Certain people are hubs, so to speak. They’re the ones who know almost everyone within the business and are themselves innovators. These people and their careers are worth examination.
• Studying craft makes us better writers and communicators. We can be experts on the publishing industry, but unless we know how to write, we aren’t going anywhere.

I am reading a book on craft right now, Rock Your Plot by Cathy Yardly and DIY Publishing by Maggie McVay Lynch. What are you reading? Do you think continuing education for an author is important?

Image courtesy of cooldesign/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Soup weather has hit Oregon in a big way. I know, I know, the rest of the country has been getting hit with the storms of the century while the PNW has enjoyed some of the most beautiful weather ever seen. Several weekends ago, my husband and I watched the sun go down  with a bottle of wine on the Oregon coast. There was no wind and no rain–and anyone who has been on the Oregon coast in January knows just how rare that is. And it was 60 degrees. Incredible!

After spending the afternoon on the beach it was time for dinner. As soon as thew sun dropped below the horizon, the temperature dropped and I  wanted a bowl of soup. At the beach you get clam chowder. And it was delicious.

My kids have often called me the soup nazi after an old Sienfeld show because I can concoct amazing soups out of practically nothing. Last night, I made a curried chicken soup with ginger–something I have never tried before. And then, because I’m a little odd, I made up some gnocchi and added them to the bowls just before serving. Talk about genre blending–an Indian flavored soup with Italian dumplings!

Someone online asked me for the recipe and I had to tell her that I didn’t have one. I had a flavor profile in mind and I just kind of added stuff until it tastes good. Then I started thinking about how my writing was a lot like soup.

Bear with me here.

I’ve written quite a few books now. Some will never see the light of day, some are currently available at your local book shop and still others have long disappeared from shelves. Several have yet to be born. And yes, they are all a lot like soup. I don’t have a recipe for  the books and like my soups, they all turn out different. Yes, there are some tried and true rules of thumb that help me as I layer in the flavors–I always saute my veggies in olive oil , I use quality broth to pull it all together, etc. But the flavors are all different and each are added a little bit at a time until I have the right notes. Last night I added curry and ginger until it was warm and flavorful without being overpowering.

When I write my books, I always start with a blurb that I develop into back cover copy that is then developed into a one or two page synopsis. I have an over-arching flavor profile that I’m aiming for but each book is completely different and I have to keep adding and subtracting until I get just the right note.  Once the main part is done, I go back and layer in the flavor/details until it’s as perfect as I can make it. Then I give my editor a taste, just as I let my husband a taste of my soup. Then, based on their opinion, I fuss with it until everyone is happy.

See, pretty much the same:)